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Welcome ROOKIES,
Not sure what the hell all the piles of sweaty, messy-haired
girls are doing?
Can't figure out the logic of passing a ball backward
to go forward?
Troubles interpreting the robot dance the referee
does whenever the whistle blasts?
Wondering why that tunnel thing happens with the lifty
thing and then that throwy thing?
Why all the yelling and running and pushing?
Contemplating your admiration for tackling?
Well, this might help:
Please refer to a brilliant article called the RUGBY
PRIMER.
After reading the primer,
here's some QUICK
TIPS on how to fine tune your game!
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THESE ARE THINGS YOU SHOULD
KNOW BEFORE YOU PARTICIPATE IN ORGANIZED COMMOTION:
1. wear SUNSCREEN.
Even if you're not pigmentally-challenged. Wear
it. That means you, Nzingha.
2. MOUTHGUARDS protect
your teeth and gums. These are important devices
for chewing and talking and smiling.
3. running shoes are for lawn bowling. Get CLEATS.
You will hold your ground and protect your ankles.
4. SUNSCREEN
5. TIGHTY-SHORTS. Lycra
shorts gymnasts and trailer trash wear. Target has
them for $10. They hide your whatsits.
6. we supply shirt and socks. We can get you shorts.
Let us know. We'll hook you up.
7. WATER is the greatest
gift of the rugby gods. If you drink it, you might
avoid dehydration and hangovers.
8. SUNSCREEN.
9. rugby is FUN. Wear
sunscreen.
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AND DON'T FORGET THE ROAD RULES...
1. We carpool.
GAS
and tolls are shared.
Form alliances with speed DEMONS
if you like getting from A to B in short fashion.
Or pick a cautious driver if you like taking twice
the time to get there, STRAPPED
to the slow lane.
2. Hotel rooms are usually a 4-person SPLIT
(find rich rugger friend if you're broke).
3. ROACH motels are considered
perfectly acceptable lodging for traveling ruggers.
SNOBBY we're not.
4. You will have to share a bed. (Find out who snores,
who STEALS blankets.)
5. BYOP—bring your own pillow.
OBVIOUS reasons.
6. BYOT—bring your own towel. Cheap hotels have
SCRATCHY, tiny towels.
And they're in short supply.
7. Closets and bath tubs are considered perfectly
acceptable sleeping spots for any post-social PASS-OUTS.
8. LEFT-OVER pizza is
the breakfast of champions. |
See you on the pitch!
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This
is where a fabricated legal blurb used to reside. It was, however, deemed
more disproportionately
violent in nature than funny and has therefore been begrudingly removed.
It was funny though.
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